Dear Faith (on your 9th birthday)

Dear Faith,

Time is a funny thing. We have no control over it, no matter how much we wish we did. We can’t slow time to savor a special moment, or speed it up to reach a new destination. Yet time can feel like it passes in a blink of an eye or like it drags on forever. Despite how it may feel or how we might desire to change it, time keeps pressing on. Always steady, always forward.

In the years since you were born, I’ve moved from a time of overwhelming grief, through a time of bittersweet “could-have-been”, to a time of settled peace that passes understanding. I know it is thanks to God that I’ve come to this place; that time itself is not the healer, but rather that He has taught me and shaped me over time to know Him more and feel His strength and presence.

I still miss you. I will always and forever love you and am so honored and thankful to be your mom. There is a joy deep inside me now when I think of you. I know without a doubt that I will see you again and when I do, all the time apart will feel like nothing, like a split second in the span of eternity. I can’t grasp that, but I believe it with all my heart.

I read my favorite books, The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis, with your sister last year. We have these words from the final book on our wall:

“… now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before.”

Someday I’ll be there with you, starting Chapter One of the Great Story of eternity with the God who made you and gave you to me, even if only for a short time here on earth. I hold fast to the promise of that day with joyful anticipation and peaceful confidence.

I love you Faith! Happy birthday my sweet girl.

Love,

Mommy

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